You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
