If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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