Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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