is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize