He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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