i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
