Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
