hotel room ftw
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
false alarm, still single
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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