Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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