what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
