I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
