Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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