My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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