JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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