I can't breathe out the right side of my face
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
