can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
