I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize