This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
