I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
