I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
