why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
