can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
