i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
