when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
