I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
