I wish they made helmets for livers.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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