this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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