I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
