dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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