A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
