Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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