I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
