Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
