If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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