seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
