There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
