come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize