I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
