My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
