More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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