I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize