Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
