drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
