Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
