I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize