i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
