Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize