I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
