Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize