And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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