1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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