??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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