Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
