I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
