Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
