I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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