I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
