I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
