Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
