careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
