2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
