Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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