Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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