Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize