My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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