Soap is not a condiment
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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