dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
