dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
