cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
