lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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