haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
