brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
