I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
