if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
