Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
