Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I need moral support for this bender
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
