I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
